2) He’s making no effort to see you, commit to you, or grow your relationship. After communication seemed like work I simply said he didn’t seem interested. But it still seemed like work on my part and I would be upset when he didn’t communicate so I said his lack of communication made me feel like I didn’t matter to him.

A man who wants to be your boyfriend MAKES PLANS to see you IMMEDIATELY.

I wasn’t surprised by his response and certainly if it upset me so that he didn’t communicate (I was looking for every other day at least, instead of once a week or so) then it certainly wasn’t working.

My instincts were right – he said he guessed things weren’t working then (all by texts/emails, not even phone calls) and we should be friends.

A few months later, they got together for a romantic weekend. Not surprisingly, Paulina was having far more trouble losing her fantasy than the texts.

Why can’t they be the way they were in the first couple of months, she asks?

The fantasy that this once-promising relationship would work out.

In short order, I asked Paulina to do three things: o Tell me what she likes about Matthew. After a bit of deliberation, she concluded that she loses two things: His daily calls and texts, mostly boring chatter about his life. He keeps in touch with her regularly to have a female presence in his life, but conversations aren’t fun, lively, playful, or even interesting.

Paulina is in her early 50’s – thin, blond, whip-smart, and sophisticated. ” or “I’m really tired” – but the spark is long gone. Most importantly, Matthew hasn’t made any overtures to see Paulina since their first meeting. When we talked about things, I learned that Matthew is a kind, attentive man, but he’s a bit socially awkward. Mostly clueless, selfish things, somewhat like a 12-year-old boy.

She worked with me last year and came back once she found a promising relationship. Distraught, Paulina is desperately trying to figure out how to rekindle their relationship. As a result, Paulina spends most of her relationship wondering why things can’t be better, easier, more fun, more supportive.