Tips on dating a single mom
"No matter what the circumstances, a woman needs time to reassess who she is and what she wants out of a future relationship, in order to prevent jumping back into a bad relationship," notes La Motte. "Many of my clients have this false conception that sexual intimacy is part of dating and believe that no adult man would be willing to wait for sex."She needs to move from being a we to a me." What to do instead: "Ideally, a recently separated woman should wait until she feels adequately adjusted to the separation, and genuinely happy with her independent life before she brings someone else into the picture," La Motte says. Or perhaps, it's been a long time since they've been intimate with someone and they are craving the connection."This way, she'll bring someone into a happy, healthy scenario, rather than a traumatic one." If you choose to ignore this advice, La Motte says the best thing you can do is take things slowly. What they fail to realize is that the act of sex will bond them emotionally, making it difficult to leave the relationship if it's not a match," says Cantarella.
To remedy my fears, I turned to seasoned dating coaches, Julianne Cantarella, MSW, and Elisabeth Lamotte, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, to figure out the biggest dating mistakes single moms make (and the smart moves that should replace them). "Once you've taken the time to recover from your divorce, you might want to try getting your feet wet.
I've seen clients get overly comfortable being single, so when they re-enter the dating world it brings on a whole set of complexities.
Like being 'set in their ways,' which makes it even more difficult to be open to someone new to share their lives with," Cantarella says.
What to do instead: The idea of monogamy should be introduced in a committed relationship, not forced on one.
You should date more than one person, so that you have an opportunity to see who is an ideal match for you. There aren't always hard and fast rules regarding when to start dating.
Also, never assume that you are in a committed relationship until you have discussed it with the person you are dating. The circumstances surrounding your divorce or even the state of your marriage pre-divorce may play a part in whether a woman is emotionally ready to date.
La Motte recommends that newly separated women give themselves a full year to get used to being single before they begin to date.
What to do instead: Start out slowly, Cantarella says. "As a dating coach I encourage my clients to cast a wide net and date more than one person until talk of exclusivity arises," Cantarella says.
One safe, effective and time-efficient way to start out is to trying online dating. You are able to set the pace and decide who is right for you. "I've found that because my divorced clients come from long-term monogamous relationships, they feel they shouldn't date more than one person at a time," she adds.
Dating more than one person allows you to compare and contrast and see who rises to the top.
It also gives you the opportunity to date until you're ready to commit, without becoming completely absorbed by one person.