Allow yourselves to e-hump each other at a natural pace.Get a privacy screen if you want to text indecent things in public. It might pain you, but it's smart to cover your tracks if you're afraid of being busted by someone with access to your phone.

It always seems like a great idea to fire off something creepy and desperate when it's late and you're wasted, but to the sober recipient, it just comes off as creepy and desperate. Believe it or not, things you type on your phone can actually lead to sex with an actual person in real life! Just don't do it with no warning, like dumping out some giant bucket of condoms and sparklers.

Go for a steady drip of innuendo, leading up to arrant raunchiness.

Don't be afraid of talking about your "dick," and "where you want it to go," .

We all want to have sex with each other all the time, but we can't. As stated when we groped this topic last summer, the pure, true definition of sexting is acting out your super-cool fantasies via SMS (or i Message).

So we transfer our screw-and-fondle energy into our smartphones—often with disastrous, humiliating results. Dirty texting might be the easiest method of being horny over the phone. But let's start with the basics: typing titillation.

But we know you kids want to exchange poorly lit photos of pee-pees and vee-vees, too, like our friends Christina Hendricks and Olivia Munn (and don't forget Prof. Putting the digital simulacrum before the real flesh-and-blood deal isn't only backwards, it's difficult!

You don't know what your sexting partner likes and doesn't like before you've actually done it to them. Smileys like :-D are pretty weird in the context of digitally imaginative blowjobs, but against all odds, the old ;) still has its flirty charm in 2012.

Space is tight, sure, but better to split your message up into parts than cram it all together like some kind of middle school lobotomy patient.

If you want to keep your sexting a covert operation—say, from the prying eyes of a girlfriend or other person who would rightfully kick your ass—change your sext partner's name in your contact list. Make sure to disable text previews on your lock screen, too.

This sounds trivial, but disabling read receipt for i Message means not having to rush the smut.

If you can see when your sexter has read your message , the angst could kill the mood.