At the heart of attachment theory is the assumption that we all -- all of us -- have a basic, primal drive to connect.It's wired into us, after millions of years of evolution, because on our own, we humans are weak, relatively defenseless creatures.

Defining neediness, rather inelegantly, as "a generalized, undifferentiated dependence on others and feelings of helplessness and fears of desertion and abandonment, " the investigators discovered that it has an important relationship to depression. But that's the least surprising finding in these studies.

Most of us consider it one of the worst possible invectives to hurl at another human being, conjuring stark images of pitiable panic and desperation. When we bear witness to it, we feel confused and overwhelmed, wondering if any amount of reassurance will ever be enough. One line of research, which emerged from an attempt to better understand depression, sheds a good deal of light on what makes neediness so incredibly painful.

"), and late-night calls and text messages demanding an immediate response ("where are you? When we're gripped by the terror of neediness, we feel completely out of control. As ill-defined as the experience of neediness seems to be, psychologists have made great strides in unpacking this complex state of mind.

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, but neediness, it seems, is the unhealthy version of our craving for contact, marked more by helplessness, fear, and passivity than any clear emotional request.

The connected are open about what they want from relationships. To be sure, the needy want something -- insatiably, in fact -- but short of instant attention and constant reassurance, it isn't terribly clear to themselves or anyone around them what exactly they're looking for.