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Each family has its own set of rules and standards; not that they are necessarily healthy, but it's what they know and plan to pass on to you.
That's what's needed from parent(s) to child, an important part of helping a child feel secure and confident enough to get through the frustrations of childhood and go out into the larger world of nursery school and all that follows.
Childs continues: "You are to be loved just because you are you.
It matters not that you wet your diaper, pooped in your pull ups, vomited on Mommy or Daddy, stayed up all night screaming and crying with a fever and all the other natural mishaps inherent in being a baby.
But as you mature, there are expectations and demands that are part of your adaptive process in becoming civilized.
Many people who didn't experience that all-accepting, unconditional love arrive at adulthood with the unconscious expectation that their romantic partner will meet those childhood needs, from hanging on the person's every word to loving the person unconditionally." Spear continues: "To say it again: unconditional love, which is needed in childhood, has no place in a relationship between two adults.
If a person is looking for unconditional love from a partner, the relationship will be very frustrating for both partners: one partner is cast as the child and the other (of either gender) is cast as the mommy, and then, maybe, they take turns.It's not age appropriate." Spear explains that this doesn't mean grown-up love can't be fulfilling.— and in theory, it is something we should all strive for.But should there ever be conditions placed on love?We asked experts Joan Childs and Diane Spear how we can love within the right parameters.Says Spear, "Unconditional love is that 'towering feeling' (to quote songwriters Lerner and Lowe from ) that makes us feel all-powerful, that we can do anything.