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If you’re a dad you’re likely to have your kids half as much time as their mom. (It could be worse.) But if you’re willing to do the work, I hear things are getting better for dads who want to go 50/50. (To be honest I never went to court about it, we were doing a cooperative divorce and I gave in to the wisdom of the counselor we were meeting with.) Seven years later, I still miss my kids every night they are not with me. Some nights I have plenty of activities planned and I don’t miss them as much.But the agreement I had with their mom when we decided to have kids was equal parenting. Until the divorce, when she decided she could have it all.
I have to say, I am glad I was in a relationship before she got remarried, it might have been tougher otherwise.
But looking back, today I can see the road ahead is much more optimistic than that final year in my marriage.
Still, the loss of so much of my kid’s lives at that tender age really had an effect on them and me. But I know the effect my dadless years had on me as a young boy.
While my brother can cook anything and fix anything mechanical, because he did those things with our dad, I am a bit of a mama’s boy.
If my car needs an oil change I go to the quickie place.
If something on the house needs repair, I call someone.I lost the opportunity to learn from my father, those essential, manly, skills.Should I have continued to sublimate my joy and desire in order to keep it together “for the kids?” Today, looking back, I can easily say, that the divorce was a good thing.It might have been the most painful thing, at the time, but in the end I have been released to find a better relationship (and I have) and she too has been given a new opportunity for love.And this weekend, while she was getting married, I was trekking on a 7 mile walk around the lake with my fiancé.